Jan 30 I know what it feels like to be unknown, and I don’t like it. I’m talking about people getting my name wrong.
Generally I actually do think that I’m a bit forgettable. That might sound sad, but it’s the truth. I don’t make terribly flattering first impressions. That’s just how it has been. It’s gotten better, I think, as I’ve grown into my skin, but it’s probably fairly true still.
Courtesy of flickr user Oxygen
Names are our unique key to life. It has a bit of our heritage in our surname, and it is the first gift that we are given. It’s a marking that we will have for our lifetime (that is unless we legally change it at some point). And it’s how we are known. Life would be different if we had a different name.
Considering all of this, it’s not exactly pleasant when someone forgets your name. It makes you feel (and probably accurately so) that you’re not important enough to be remembered by the one who forgot. Nobody likes to be reminded of how unimportant they are. Everyone wants to be special and being known is just the first step.
There have been a few instances where I’ve noticed this occurring to me. Thankfully it’s not exactly stuff that’s affected me, but it’s still noteworthy because I’m sure that there are many out there who wouldn’t take kindly to this happening to them.
At work we had a going away brunch for someone, and people from all different departments were there. As I was standing there, someone was loudly saying someone else’s name and looking at me. Now usually, it is a very bad idea to respond to these greetings in your direction that might not necessarily be for you. You know the wave from strangers who are actually waving to the guy right behind you. That kind of thing. In any case, I was not responding to this girl because I figured she must have been trying to get someone else’s attention. She eventually turns to her friend and says, “He’s not responding to me, I guess.” Then she gets even closer to me and says this other guy’s name.
Granted I was sideways so she only had a profile view. I turned to her, and I said that I was not who she thought I was. She realized her mistake and fell silent. That’s right, lady. You’re wrong.
The same day as the first example, I was walking by someone’s desk, and he said, “What’s up, —–?” This other name was another Asian guy in our department. I knew that he was talking to me because nobody else was around, and I said, “It’s Derek, not ——.”
The bad thing is that he does know the difference between us. We traveled for quite a few days together! And we work in the same department! This one was probably a more honest slip of the tongue, but I still thought it pretty amusing considering that it was the same day. To exacerbate the matter, the same guy cc’d me on an e-mail and spelled my name Derrick. And we’ve been working together for about 15 months. Lovely, just lovely.
So another instance where forgetting a name can be bad is if you remember the other person’s name, and they do not remember your name. Bad beans. If you both forget, it’s acceptable. But if you both do not, all is not right.
So I recently went to a fellowship group again after not going for a couple of months. I remembered a few of the people’s name because of talking to them or because I secretly actually knew stuff about them. Haha creepy as that might sound, it was more like an “I know that they asked my friend out, but they don’t me” kind of deal. In any case, it was no good for me to remember their names since they forgot mine. Boo hoo.
So basically we all need to learn these things:
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We need better memories
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All Asians do not look alike
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Get more confidence so you don’t care if people forget your name because you’re above that
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Don’t respond to women who are yelling, no good can ever come of it
Jan 23 I think that personality types, a much discussed topic, are definitely interesting. However, I’ve never known what I am.
In regards to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (and slightly the Keirsey Temperament Test), I never knew which of the 16 types I was.
As a sample, I could never even definitively decide whether I was an introvert or an extrovert. I think that the trouble comes because I have an opinion of myself since I am always with myself, but others might see a version of me that is different than the full picture. Suffice to say, since it’s hard for me to get by the very first step, I could never fully complete the puzzle of my personality.
But perhaps that has changed!
Now whether this is just applicable to me now or whether it’s categorically applicable to me, I do not know. All I know is that I felt like I was reading about myself while I examined the description.
In short, I believe that I am an:
INTP
Jan 13 People will get proud over anything. Even those that have nothing to be proud of will somehow find themselves becoming proud of something. It’s rather amazing really. When you stop to think about it, none of us really has anything to be proud of.
There are a wide variety of things that pride is claimed. I think that the most ridiculous ones are those things over which we have no control. Here are some of my favorites:
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Nationalism/Patriotism/Geographic devotion
This is rampant around the world and throughout all of time. However, it’s rather silly to be proud of where you come from simply because that’s where you came from, don’t you think? Sure it’s a great way to connect to people when you first meet them, but how much do you really have to be proud of if you grew up somewhere? Usually it’s not too much.
I think that perhaps the only thing that I could understand about this is if one had to grow up in a difficult environment. It shapes a person to be able to grow up in that type of surrounding. But for all of those people who are proud of where they grew up, what country they were born in, what their heritage is, and so on, you better rethink it. Because you had no hand in that.
And to think that people get into wars over this issue all of the time is mind boggling. You mean to tell me that you hate that guy because of where he was born? But he had no control over that, he didn’t choose to be born there!
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Height
Have you met people who were proud of their height? I think that might be one of the most ridiculous things ever because you absolutely have no control over your height. You can lose or gain weight, have plastic surgery to fix your looks, and any number of things to modify your physical appearance.
But what can you do about your height? Diddly squat, I do believe. Unless you have that limb lengthening surgery. Anyways, once again you have no control over how tall you are/will be. You can hope for good genes, but it’s much more impressive to just be able to deal with those that you’ve been given. And better yet, it’s impressive to be able to overlook (no pun intended) it in others.
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Discovering Music Artists/Clothing Brands
I mean really? You’re going to be proud of the fact that you found out about a band before anyone else did? You had no hand in their success. You’re not playing bass or pounding those drums for them. All you did was take a little listen.
Okay sure, it’s very nice that you spend the time and try out different artists than the popular fare served up to the masses. Maybe you even spent a little bit of money to try them out. But when the band becomes popular, if you find yourself bringing up the fact that you listened to them for years, I’ll have you know that I think that you’re a lame-o.
Same thing goes for clothing brands (and probably a slew of other things). You’re not making the clothes, you’re just buying a sweater. $20 bucks. You daredevil you.
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Age
Whether you’re young or old, what can you really say about your age? It won’t change a lick no matter what you do. You can lie about it, you can deceive others by changing your appearance, but this is an absolute in this world that you have no control over.
I think it’s so interesting when people see their age as something to be proud of. In the past I’ve seen it because people think that they’re immediately wiser for the simple fact that they’ve lived more days. I grant them that it’s generally true that wisdom comes with age. But isn’t that usually more like decades of experience?
Growing up in school, I was meeting people with years or less worth more days who thought that they were somehow wiser than I. I thought (and still do) think that is just ludicrous. It’s like they can’t find anything to be proud of so they just grasp for something that nobody can change. How about instead of doing that we go out and actually gain some of that useful wisdom by getting a life, huh?
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Salvation
Well I’m a Christian. Maybe you knew that, maybe you didn’t. Now you do. Anyways, I’ve got a bone to pick with those people that speak of their salvation with an air of superiority, as if they did anything at all except believe. This might stir up the pot a little bit, but there isn’t much that separates you from that unsaved guy next to you. I boast in Jesus Christ, too, but He did the work, not I. I just said, “Yes, I’ll believe.”
Jan 5 You know what I’m talking about. It’s that feeling that you get when you do something really hard or super embarrassing. You know, like when someone catches you dancing when you thought that you were alone or when you ask someone out or peeing in your pants in front of the entire class or saying something stupid that you immediately knew that you should not have said pr maybe you just told someone that you were master of the Earth, stood on a railing on a large ship, spread your arms, and fell overboard.
You know, it’s that embarrassed, how can I live with myself, I can’t stop saying “oh my goodness” feeling. I love it.
I think that I’m a late bloomer because sometimes I act like I’m in junior high. Haha I love it and hate it all at the same time.
And I’m constantly stuck wondering how in the world people do all of the things that they do when I can’t even begin. It’s like everyone else is lifting weights, and I’m still stuck trying to gain admission to the gym. So I have one question: WHERE DO YOU PAY THE DUES?!
Dec 31 I’ve come to notice recently that relationships are very similar to a house of cards.
Alright they’re not always like a house of cards, they very much can be in certain ways. When one is just starting to get to know another person, there is a lot of feeling out in conversation. Both people need to be talking and questions need to be asked. This is some basic knowledge about relationships.
Photo courtesy of flickr user privatenobby
Almost more importantly than how to build a relationship, though, is how easy it is to destroy it. It’s important to know how relationships can be destroyed because that is the only way that it can be avoided. It seems to me that I can very easily liken the building of a relationship to the creation of a house of cards. For both creations it takes far greater time and effort to build them up than it takes to destroy them. With the house of cards all you need is an inadvertent swipe of the hand or even an exhaled breath to cause it all to come tumbling down. With relationships (whether friendships, romantic relationships, or otherwise) a simple outburst, a snide comment, a hurtful action, or even an ill-advised joke can undo all of the time and effort involved in developing a relationship.
I think that whether you’ve been on the receiving end of a one of these relationship destroyers or whether you’ve dished one out yourself, you know that they’re almost never worth it. Unfortunately I think that most of the time people don’t even know what they’ve done. They can’t see it because it’s not visual, it’s within the person. Take a look around and you’ll see cards everywhere.