Pull Your Pants Up, Boy

Oct 5

Alright so we had a fire drill the other day. And it was annoying. The sirens were piercingly loud. I guess that’s good because you don’t want to have your earphones in and listening to music so that you don’t hear the alarm when it goes off. Nevertheless the fact of the matter was that there wasn’t a fire and it did hurt my ears.

When you go down the stairs for the fire drill, it’s mild because nobody is actually trying to get away from a fire. I can only imagine that some people would panic in the case of a real fire and try to run by people. These are probably the same people that need to learn what I have to say On Driving. They’re the ones zooming by, cutting you off, and still getting to the destination not a minute or two faster than you. In a fire drill they’re gonna run as fast as they can, knock people over, and cause general pandemonium. Great.

But those thoughts weren’t the most disturbing of the day.

Many people exited the building (it’s a 5 story one with multiple companies), and as we’re standing in the grass I see someone (from my company) who is standing there with his arms raised. They’re resting on his head. Maybe he was stretching. Maybe he was subtly trying to get someone’s attention. Maybe he was trying to touch the sky. How do I know? But whatever he was doing, all I know is that his shirt was too short (so it raised along with his arms), and his pants were sagging too much. And there was a great view of his man hair (if you know what I mean, pubic hair if you don’t) if you’re into that. But I’m not into that. Not at all. And I don’t know too many people who are. So that made me unhappy and disgusted.

So remember, kids, to pull up your pants. Especially if you’re at work. Especially if you’re raising your arms up and trying to grab birds out of the air. You know who you are.